The 6 Most Common Cofounder Arguments (and What They Reveal About The Cause of Cofounder Conflict)

How to identify and fix the root cause of most disagreements.

Cofounder conflict is one of the most preventable mission-critical problems facing founding teams.

Strain between cofounders increases burnout, decreases focus, and disrupts founders’ ability to create a healthy culture.

Previous research shows 65% of high-growth startups fail due to cofounder-related issues and while most investors understand the importance of this issue, few articles have been written about the most common sources of cofounder disagreements.

As a cofounder coach and licensed psychologist who has worked with hundreds of founding teams, the list below summarizes the six most common entry points to cofounder conflict I have observed in my work, then discusses the underlying origins of disagreements most founders fail to identify in the moment.

1. Equity and compensation

Determining equity split can be difficult. Some people resent equal equity and unequal responsibilities. Others build frustration by taking less compensation than they feel they deserve.

These disagreements often peak in early stages, when adding a cofounder, and after founders ask for raises.

2. Roles and responsibilities

Determining roles is an ongoing process as your company scales.

While many founders understand responsibilities cannot be truly equal, the lack of equality and symmetry often becomes a source of conflict when one person feels they are outperforming or outgrowing the other.

3. Vision and strategic alignment

Building alignment is not static. You can’t check a box to say “we have the same vision for the company,” you must engage in ongoing conversations to align on your vision and strategy.

Unfortunately, when you’re swamped and exhausted, prioritizing these conversations becomes difficult and much of your focus on the early days is on completing IC work, which requires less syncing than high-growth cycles post-transition to management.

When cofounders do not consistently engage in these conversations, they may experience loneliness followed by frustration after discovering you two are moving in different directions.

4. Hiring and firing

People have different philosophies to hiring, firing, and employee development.

Some prefer to hire fast and fire faster, others prefer to add training resources, role changes, and continued development to increase retention.

Balancing the tension between these different approaches and building consensus in the hiring and firing process is a frequent source of conflict for many founders.

5. Fundraising

When founders are running out of runway and need to raise capital, it leads to a survival-like desperation. This fight-or-flight activation leads to more disagreements and less rational thinking in cofounder partnerships because small missteps feel like life or death.

6. High (and low) growth periods

Rapid growth means more decisions — or more opportunities for conflict. Decisions must be made faster, roles transition from IC to management, and people problems increase in scale.

Low growth periods amplify board and investor related pressures, which adds further complexity and heightens fear of failure, especially if you and your board lack strategic alignment.

The True Cause of Cofounder Conflict

Do not get caught in the labyrinth of these common disagreements!

You can spend hours and hours getting lost in the details and missing the forest for the trees. Instead, focus on the true causes of cofounder conflict, which can help you uncover the deeper layers keeping you stuck in unproductive conversations.

Speaking with hundreds of founders allowed me to identify the four main causes of cofounder conflict, which include: disputes of power, debates of recognition, arguments of closeness, and lack of shared language.

Disputes of power

• At the root of many discussions about equity and compensation, and hiring and firing is power.

• Power is shown in relationships in who makes the final call and in what context, and the degree of emotional influence one has over the other.

• Power can be uncomfortable to discuss and lead to flat structures, co-CEO, or other arrangements when power dynamics are too threatening to discuss.

Debates of recognition

• Cofounders often want to feel seen and valued by their partner and when this is not the case — as often occurs when roles and responsibilities are different or one person leads fundraising efforts — it can lead to recurring disagreements.

• Because each person often possesses different skills and thought processes that the other may not perceive as valuable as their own (eg, technical v non-technical) the other person may feel unrecognized for their contributions.

• Instead of discussing this in a vulnerable manner and asking for more, these needs are often buried in discussions about roles and internal and external visibility.

Arguments of closeness

• Cofounders with multiple relationships often have different preferences for the degree of emotional closeness they desire in this relationship.

• With no one else to talk to about these issues, cofounders often turn into a catch-all partner to share their feelings, personal struggles and business-related issues. Though this can be helpful, it also increases strain on the partnership and can lead to one person relying too much on the other.

• The needs for care and closeness are often expressed in misalignment with vision and strategy. Often the desire is not just for a business alignment, but for a sync in which both people can feel closer and on the same page rather than running in their separate lanes.

Lack of shared language

• Focusing conversations from the content (trees) to the process (forest) requires having shared language and an ability to think about how you are talking (metacognition).

• Without a shared language, cofounders are unable to refine their communication process and manage differences in values, decisions, and personality profiles.

Addressing these four deeper layers—the true causes of cofounder conflict—allows founders to move beyond the surface-level issue and address the root problem.

When the conversation moves from a debate about whether or not to hire an employee to re-aligning power dynamics in the founding team, it allows cofounders to make faster, more efficient decisions without building resentment.

If you need help to access these deeper levels of relationship, contact a cofounder coach!